


Labels Aren't Needed Here

by goalielove43



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Bisexuality, Coming In Pants, Cumshot, Dry Humping, F/M, Feelings, Frottage, M/M, Multi, NHL RPF, Non-binary character, Open Relationships, Pansexual Character, Polyamory, WAFF, Washington Capitals, gender nonspecific, non-conforming relationships, talk of differing genitals from gender norms, triggery topics mentioned at the start, use of the word pussy, working some shit out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23263879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goalielove43/pseuds/goalielove43
Summary: "It's about accepting yourself first and then about praying the world can accept you too, you know?"
Relationships: Lauren Cosgrove/T. J. Oshie, T. J. Oshie/Jakub Vrana
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Labels Aren't Needed Here

**Author's Note:**

> None of this is real or considered to even be remotely the truth about any of these people. 
> 
> Look, I'm going to be blunt. I'm working some shit out with this. Jakub... he's going through what I'm going through. I needed this for reasons. Please don't hate on it and be aware you're walking into the minefield of my own issues with this one. Therapy, my dudes, use it. I do. If you're here for standard M/M sex, probably walk away now because it's not. It's closest to non-binary/Male sex with two people who happen to have penises.
> 
> This one is way more serious than the one I just posted.

_"It's about accepting yourself first and then about praying the world can accept you too, you know?"_

Two days. It'd been two days since Jakub sat in TJ's living room and listened to the special that was on TV. It had been about struggle, of all kinds. People trying to figure themselves out in a variety of ways and it all resonated with him in ways he wasn't quite ready to think about. One girl struggled with scars she'd inflicted on herself at a young age. A boy struggling with an out of control eating disorder that left him gaining all the weight he was trying so desperately to lose. Another person was trying to deal with not feeling like they fit in and somewhere buried in the sea of it had been two NHL players, which was how they'd ended up watching the special. They'd talked about the stigma against mental illness, about needing help and having no idea how to reach out until this past year when the campaigns started up about awareness and one of them had breached the topic of how if you even remotely questioned who you were identity or sexuality-wise, it felt like the world was waiting behind a wall to crush you.

The hint at something more to be uncovered had stuck with Jakub and left him feeling uneasy, like he'd been put in the room for a reason and it had made his gut clench over and over in the forty eight hours since he'd sat on the floor at TJ's feet and heard those words. Words that hedged at the possibility that the guy talking maybe had something more to say, to talk about, but that perhaps he wasn't entirely ready. Jakub was even less ready to talk about himself and it left him light-headed in some vague panic that perhaps he hadn't been as careful as he'd thought. He thought he hid it pretty well: hid all his desires that railed against what was considered the sports norm. Cis, straight, completely no-homo about all the bromance type things that the team did with one another. It had him running and he knew it had to stop. This person he'd been displaying for two days wasn't him and someone was bound to notice and probably call him on his shit... and worse, they'd probably call him on it in completely the wrong way given how he'd been shying away from all contact, particularly anything that could be labeled bromance. He knew how it looked. It looked like he was a bigot and that killed him because he so completely wasn't. 

More it was about that raw feeling inside that told him he'd been exposed. His secrets felt like they were on display for the world to see and it made him nervous, skittish, honestly pretty damn terrified if he were honest for half a minute. He felt like every time someone looked at him they slapped labels all over him that he wasn't prepared to face. He saw the words non-binary flashing over his head in ugly neon lettering, felt like he wore the word bisexual pinned to his back like a kick me sign... and he hated all of it. Labels made him uncomfortable, though it was only when they were applied to himself. Other people could have labels, but they felt wrong, itchy, uncomfortable when it came to himself. 

Practice was a bitch; it always was. But today was even worse with all the swirling thoughts in his head. He wasn't where he was supposed to be, he kept missing passes from TJ and couldn't feed Eller for shit. Nothing in him could pay attention to a damn thing Ovi said and all he really wanted to do was go home and bury his face in his pillow and try to stop thinking about all the things he absolutely didn't want to think about. He didn't want his brain whispering to him that the others could see him, see _thru_ him. He didn't want the comic sans font slapping around inside his head that nagged and taunted and advertised what he wasn't prepared to accept about himself yet to even be there. The bisexuality he could deal with. He knew it'd bite him in the ass in the industry, but he was probably one of the lucky ones given where he fell on that spectrum. He could hide it away in his porn habits and never be blinked at for it because he could still date women and actually enjoy it. The people he felt bad for were the guys who were on the far end of the spectrum, completely gay and unable to so much as deal with being with a woman to help cover it. Not that it didn't suck having to hide it... but he felt lucky for where he landed on the scale. No, it was the other part he was completely flustered by. The other part that made him feel like he needed a shower even while he was standing in the damn shower. 

He could barely think the words without shuddering and definitely couldn't get them to come out of his mouth, not even whispered in the darkness to himself. The words made him shudder, left him feeling strange and unwelcome in his own skin and while he thought maybe that meant he was trying to apply the wrong label, it was also just true that he pretty much fit the exact definition of them and well... he had to think again and again if he was a horrible bigot somewhere inside anyway. It forced him to evaluate how he felt about other people again and again, had since the first time he'd heard the term and found out what it meant and realized it one hundred percent applied to him and that he wasn't okay with that at all. But the truth was, he was okay with everyone else, okay with them applying the label, okay with accepting any pronouns they wanted to use, okay and accepting and downright proud of them for something he couldn't even fathom trying to do for himself. It was like the only person he was bigoted toward was himself and it made no sense at all. 

He skated off the ice, not having heard a single thing Ovi said and headed for his locker where he simply slumped down onto the bench and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, head in his hands, breathing unsteady in all the ways that warned him he was about to break down and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Most of the guys moved around him, shuffled off to the showers without interrupting his one man pity party, probably assuming he was this way about a shit practice. 

It was the hand in his hair, a gentle carding of fingers through sweat-dampened locks that brought the strangled feeling up into his throat, made him certain he was about to lose it and cry in front of everyone, which was so not okay. Probably another thing they really needed to change about acceptance and sports and well... men in general. Men cry, too. It fucking happens. Usually behind closed and locked doors and denied at every turn, but it goddamn happens.

He shuddered hard and the person stood by him, hand still slowly moving in his hair until the room cleared, everyone else in the shower. Only then did they speak and it shouldn't have come as a surprise that it was TJ's voice murmuring lowly to him. "I'm here to talk to, no matter the topic. It can all stay just between us and I'd never ever judge anything you told me." When Jakub didn't reply, TJ knelt and gently tipped his chin up with two fingers, studying his now damp eyes. "Please talk to me."

It struck Jakub, not for the first time, just how he felt about TJ and he had to close his eyes just to hide from the feelings swirling inside him. TJ was a married man, a father. Off limits even for fantasy-land and he'd told himself that a hundred times since getting to know the guy. Not that his brain or body paid any attention to him, but... he tried and that had to count for something. Or at least he hoped it did.

He swallowed thickly and debated his options. Continue avoiding, sink deeper into this hole he was developing, try to deal with it himself in ways that hadn't worked for his whole damn life... keep failing, basically. Talk to TJ about it and out himself with a whole bunch of words he didn't really want applied to himself and probably get angry and defensive and snap at someone he never meant to treat like that. Go find help somewhere else and feel guilty about not taking up his friend and teammate on their offer. It hurt. All of it hurt.

Squeezing his eyes closed even tighter, he listened to the sound of the guys in the showers, listened to TJ breathe, listened to the complete lack of other people in the same room as them... and he took a deep breath and with it a leap of faith that left him feeling ill and shaky and like panic was about to set in as he whispered out the words he didn't want to say. "That special we watched... there's stuff that applies to me... kind of hit home and I... I don't think I know how to deal with it by myself."

TJ settled on the bench beside him, their thighs pressed against one another, his hand lightly resting on Jakub's knee, rubbing soothingly. "You don't have to do it yourself. I'm here... or there's always the team psychologists or outside help or hell, I know Ovi would never judge anyone for anything, he'd just try to help. There's others if I'm not the person you want to talk to. Holtby, Garney... Dowder."

"I," Jakub's voice cracked a little and he cleared his throat, tried again. "I think I'd rather talk to you... but not here."

"We can do that. Let's get cleaned up and we'll go back to your place for privacy's sake, sound good?"

Jakub took in a shaky breath and nodded, his gaze on TJ's hand still on his knee. TJ patted his knee, rubbed his hand lightly over his thigh and got up, tousling his hair as he moved back to his stall and began to strip. Jakub kept his gaze to himself, something he'd admittedly been really bad about doing in the past and told himself he wasn't about to lose his friend. That the man he admired and honestly wanted wasn't going to back off and be disgusted with him for anything he said. He stripped too, went to the showers and tried to smile whenever he was engaged in someone's conversation, but it all felt just as distant as the world had while he'd been on the ice today. He felt fragile and broken and like his world was coming unglued. 

When he left the showers, TJ still in there, he found himself face to face with Ovi and Nic, both of them hovering by his stall. He glanced at them and pulled out the bag containing his lotion, deodorant, and comb and began getting ready to leave without a word, though he did arch an eyebrow in their general direction. 

Nic eventually spoke up. "Hey, man, just wanted to let you know we're here if you ever want to talk. About anything. Judgement free zone, like... you could totally tell me anything." He shifted nervously on his feet and Jakub was about to take pity on him and tell him he was going to talk to TJ, but Nic beat him to talking again. "Look, I've dealt with some depression issues in the past and I know how hopeless it can feel, you know? But like... talk. It helps. Even if it's just telling me you need a distraction sometimes or something."

Jakub froze, something cold sliding down his spine and he looked up into Nic's face. Into Nic's vibrant, beautiful face that was so filled with concern and fear and his heart wrenched sideways to know his teammate had been dealing with shit and he hadn't even noticed. Not once. His voice croaked when he spoke and he didn't bother to make it stop. "You can always reach out to me... just the same, yeah?" Nic gave him a small smile. "Yeah, I'll remember that. Just... even if you don't talk to me, it kinda seems like maybe you need to talk to someone. Please?"

It wasn't lost on Jakub that this was the second person saying this, the second one begging him to talk to somebody. He glanced at Ovi and seeing the stark concern in his Captain's face stole his breath away. The sheer fact that he was _quiet_ left him feeling uneasy, afraid that his issues looked far bigger than they were, and he wanted to rush to explain he wasn't depressed - at least he didn't think so, but... he wasn't certain - and he wasn't going to do anything stupid. But he didn't want to insult anyone who could possibly be on the verge of something like that and god, he hoped his teammates weren't, but if they couldn't tell where he was at mentally, how could he expect them to know where he was? He breathed through the waves of confused thoughts and finally murmured, "TJ beat you to the offer and I took him up on it. I'm going to talk to him and if I need more people... I'll know I have you guys, okay?"

Nic looked relieved and Ovi... god, poor Ovi. He looked like his strings had been cut and it surprised probably no one at all when Ovi wrapped his arms around Jakub and hugged the stuffing right out of him. And Jakub hugged him back, like he would have a few days ago and it felt so good to have human contact. To feel like he belonged and someone cared and how the fuck did two days make all the difference in the world for not touching a single person? 

When Ovi let go, Nic stepped in and gave him a quick, firm hug, one strong hand holding the back of his neck and squeezing in a calming sort of way. "May take you up on your offer... maybe take me up on mine." He released him and wandered off, looking more confident than Jakub was sure he felt. Ovi went after him and Jakub was pretty sure he saw Nic swipe a tear from his face when he turned away and it made him feel a little better about having been so dangerously close to breaking down earlier. 

He finished dressing and it was only when he was done that he realized TJ had been sitting quietly in his stall for probably a lot longer than he'd thought. Pushing himself up, he wandered over to him and jerked his head toward the exit. "Ready?"

Together they left and Jakub didn't question it when TJ all but steered him to his car instead of Jakub's own. The ride was silent, entirely so, and while Jakub knew he needed to have his words figured out, needed to get his shit together, he couldn't seem to. It wasn't anything that hadn't already been happening. His mind wouldn't settle for himself, why would it settle enough to tell TJ his innermost issues?

He let them into his house once they arrived and led them to his living room where he plunked down on his couch and TJ sat far closer than anyone else usually did when there were two people in the huge room. It was comforting, actually, and he let it be what it was despite feeling like TJ would probably want to bolt once he found out what Jakub was hiding. 

"Talk to me... whatever it is, just spit it out like I'm not even in the room."

Jakub let out a tense sort of laugh, everything about it bitter, shaking his head. "When I can't even say it aloud to myself when I'm alone? Hilarious."

"Then talk around it."

It seemed so reasonable... so easy. He pursed his lips slightly, wetting the inside and then sighing. "Easy part first then I guess. Sexuality is a spectrum... do you believe that?"

"I do." TJ's voice was warm, open... it made it achingly easy to think he'd accept him for this part at least and he hoped he was right.

"So... I'm not on the far end of the spectrum. Either side of it."

TJ's foot edged over toward him and hooked around his ankle, holding them locked together in a friendly sort of way. "I'm not either. I think if people examined themselves a bit more a lot more would realize they're not sitting a hundred percent on one end or the other."

Jakub made a little sound of agreement in the back of his throat, sliding his hands over his own thighs a few times before sighing. "Applying labels makes me cringe and I don't know why. Like... only to myself."

"It feels permanent. Like you can't change it once you've said it and maybe you've applied one in the past that isn't true anymore and it makes you uncomfortable to slap a new one on. It's like painting a wall bright red and wanting to paint it white. No matter how many times you look up how to paint it white you're terrified the red will still be seen under it. So you slapped on a label you thought applied at some point in your life and now... it doesn't. But putting a new one on is scary. I'm talking from my own experience and you may be different, but it was really hard for me at first to realize I'd only _thought_ I was straight when in truth, I'm pansexual and that term didn't even exist when I was forming my own mental opinions about myself. Hell, I slapped on the bisexual label for a while when I realized it wasn't all about the ladies for me and it was a little trying to peel that sticker off and put on a third label. And maybe one day there'll be another sticker that fits better... and so what? It just means language developed to give me another option that fit better."

Something eased inside Jakub at TJ's words and he actually sank back into the couch, just staring down at his hands. "I'm... not straight. I want to say I'm bi, but I don't really know if that's right either. Maybe pan, but... I just don't know and that's... that's the easy one." He shook his head. "Gender identity is the hard one."

TJ slid closer to him, his hand coming to interrupt Jakub's nervous path of his hands up and down his own thighs, sliding under his hand and lacing their fingers together. "I can see how it would be. Want to talk around this one, too?"

Jakub pressed his lips together, anxiety building in his gut at the mere idea of saying non-binary out loud. It wasn't easy, wasn’t something he wanted to say or do or... anything really. But he also really did want to fix how he was judging himself in his head. He wanted to think those words and not cringe at himself, wanted to believe those words were okay for himself, and it was that, really, that made him open his mouth. "I don't even like the idea of saying these words but I can't find another way to label what I feel. I'm a guy, I identify as a guy and I like the pronouns I use. I'm not dysphoric about my body and I love the parts I have... but I'd like to have other parts, too. If I could choose when to have those parts, I would. Like if there were a magic pill or something." He swallowed and then continued. "There's times when I think of myself and I'm definitely not thinking of myself as a dude in my head. Like during... ah..." he flushed, realizing he'd been about to tell TJ about his masturbation habits and he felt his cheeks heat up.

"Judgement free zone," TJ murmured, squeezing his hand. "And I'm okay with hearing anything you want to say, even sex stuff if that's what tripped you up."

Jakub stared down at their twined hands and mentally prepared himself to actually say what he tended to do out loud. It was objectively speaking probably a very weird way to masturbate. But it was also his own body and whatever he derived pleasure from he was _allowed to do_. He didn't have to tell TJ, but he kind of wanted to know how someone else would react to it. A test drive, of sorts.

"When I'm alone... I kind of think of myself as not a dude. I don't mean I think of myself as a girl, at least not completely, but like... I do things to make me think about it sort of like I have different bits than I do. Sort of pretend like... my ass isn't what it is and my taint and balls aren't what they are, though my cock is still my cock."

"This makes a lot more sense to me than you probably think it does." TJ nudged him with his leg. "This girl I was with in the past used to beg me to touch her cock and I'd pretend like she had one for me to stroke while I fucked her. We'd say it was her ass even though I was in her pussy... stuff like that. I watched her get off a few times and she'd use a vibe like it was a dick and she was jerking it off. Honestly, being with her was what made me realize I wasn't straight because I loved the hell out of what we did."

Jakub could feel himself starting to chub up and he resisted the urge to rock his hips, shivering instead when he tried to disperse the sensation of arousal. Wetting his lips, he thought about TJ being with that girl and then thought about TJ being with him, letting him do all the things that made him feel the best in the bedroom. His cock grew hopelessly hard and he almost wanted to lean forward to cover it, but instead he just stayed where he was and breathed through it.

"I put things in my ass and pretend it's a vagina or sometimes when I'm short on time I just rub my sac between my balls and pretend my dick is my clit and I'm rubbing my pussy... and sometimes I do that while thinking my dick is still a dick. It's all better than just jerking off and thinking to myself that I'm a dude jerking off. It's... it's probably weird."

"It's pretty much exactly what I just told you my ex used to do and that I found it hot. Note I never said it was weird, nor did I think it was. In fact, it excited me more than most things ever have, so... not weird."

Jakub swallowed, pressing his ankle against TJ's and trying to will his boner away while simultaneously wanting to take everything off and show TJ what he meant. The urge was odd, one he honestly hadn't ever had with any of his lovers in the past. He shifted slightly and glanced at TJ's lap, gaze catching on the clear outline of his cock down his pant leg. He tucked right and he was _hung_. Jakub's arousal grew and he felt like he could barely breathe and he knew he had to have been caught staring already, but TJ wasn’t calling him on it and wasn't moving to cover up and... he glanced up to find TJ's gaze wholeheartedly on Jakub's own issue in his pants. His cock twitched and he watched TJ's breath hitch and absolutely everything in him wished TJ wasn't married so they could fuck around, so he could see at least one person who didn't judge him for how he identified. He slid his free hand down to cup himself and squeeze a little and then down lower, his legs spreading, fingers running over his sac, pressing until his balls slid to either side and he rubbed through his pants. 

TJ's hand left his and for a moment, he almost panicked until he saw where it had gone, the fact that he was rubbing his palm over his own erection, slowly easing his own ache and he wondered if they were going to do this. Going to get off just like this, two grown men on a couch, far too close and groping themselves through their clothing. He wanted to. So very badly. 

His hips rocked and he wished like hell he was wearing his leggings instead of slacks. It'd have been so much easier to play with himself if he was. Still, he knew he could manage this way. Shifting his hand, he let his wrist press against the tent of his cock while he eagerly rubbed at his sac and taint, arousal mounting faster than it ever had.

TJ's breath was unsteady beside him and he'd moved on to rubbing two fingers along part of his cock, his movements quick and if he'd been hidden by a table or something, easily hidden and Jakub breathed out, "You've gotten off like that before..."

TJ let out a huff of a laugh. "Yeah."

"Tell me."

"Back in Juniors, we'd all go see these pornos in a theater... like not a porn movie theater. It was supposed to be foreign films, but they have actual porn in them. Like you can see everything, not special angles or some shit. We'd all get horny and while some guys were brave enough to take it out, I wasn't. So I'd hide it as best I could until I got off in my pants."

Jakub arched, hips rocking, his own movements more eager at TJ's story as he imagined a young TJ squirting in his pants in a public movie theater over some foreign film. 

"We saw this one movie that had orgies and I never realized until later why that scene was what drove me crazy for years. No one ever had any issues touching anyone else in those films. It wasn't like someone dictated the dudes weren't allowed to touch. They'd be kissing while sharing a woman or touching one another in the background. None of the guys ever brought it up either, so I think maybe we were all on the same page there. Sex was sex, you know? But like... once I figured it out about myself, that I wasn't straight, I was like _oh_ about that scene. Kinda," his breath hitched, his thighs tensing, "funny." The word sounded strangled and when Jakub looked up at TJ's face, he found his eyes still on what Jakub was doing to himself.

He spread his legs a little more and let his touch migrate slightly toward his hole, rubbing the whole area, cock gaining friction from his wrist, and when he arched, he watched bliss slide over TJ's features and he looked back down at his lap, watched his rhythm come undone and then actually saw his cock twitching as he unloaded all over his own thigh. A damp patch grew around the head of his dick, spreading bigger and bigger as TJ continued cumming.

Jakub pressed his thigh harder to TJ's and arched, his own movements frantic, his need to cum growing exponentially until he was gasping, hips jerking, cock exploding into his underwear, cum absolutely flooding his briefs. Sinking back down against the couch, he struggled for his breath, still staring at the wet patch on TJ's pants, the evidence they'd just done this urging him to feel a little guilty even while he felt better than he ever had before.

"I can see you spiraling... just say what you're thinking."

"Did... did we just make you cheat?"

"Nah." TJ slowly slid his foot up Jakub's leg and then back down, keeping his ankle hooked. "Lauren's aware sometimes the guys jerk off together. I mean, usually on the road, but... whatever."

"Uh... what?" Jakub's brain short-circuited. "What rooms are you staying in and why the hell haven't I ever been invited?"

TJ breathed out a quiet laugh. "It happened a lot in Juniors... that group of guys... yeah, no way in hell all of us were straight. I think some of them were and were just horny, but definitely more than a few people looking at each other's junk when we'd do it. It's happened a few times here, usually when we're all pretty damn drunk and I'm not gonna lie, I initiated it once. Two dudes in a room, a TV with pay per view porn. It sets itself up."

Jakub sat there, stunned, and then murmured, "So like... we could have uh..." he gestured, "like... taken it out to do that."

"Yeah." TJ's hand came to rest on Jakub's thigh, warm against him. "I kind of figured it might be easier to do without taking it all out the first time though."

 _First time._ The words echoed in Jakub's mind and he swore he could feel his dick taking interest again. They could do this again. He could be himself and touch how he wanted and do it in front of another person - that person being TJ, of all people - and TJ wasn't just willing, he actually _wanted_ it. The only issue was he wasn't entirely sure he could keep his hands to himself. 

"I'd like to... again. But, uh, not that I don't trust you, but like..."

TJ shifted and pulled out his phone, thumbing it open and pulling up Lauren's contact under the name _Bae_ with a donut emoji after it and held it out to Jakub. "You want to know it's okay, I get that. Respect that, a lot, actually. So call her."

Jakub hesitated and then took the phone and hit the call icon, holding it up to his ear and waiting.

_"Hey, babe."_

"Uh, it's V actually..."

Lauren laughed. _"Stealing TJ's phone?"_

"Something like that. Kind of have an awkward question for you... and TJ encouraged me to ask, so... yeah."

_"Go for it."_

Jakub shifted nervously and glanced at TJ who gave his thigh a reassuring squeeze. "He says you're aware of some of the stuff the guys get up to sometimes... like... with each other." He wasn't sure how to actually broach it and really wasn't sure what little prying ears might be listening and he didn't want to spell it out that he meant wanking together.

 _"One second."_ He heard rustling and then a door closing. _"Okay, had to leave the room from small kiddos who repeat all the words you don't want them to. But yeah, I'm fully aware the guys get up to some raunchy stuff together. Strip clubs, porn... other stuff."_

"Yeah... about the other stuff... uh..."

She gave him a minute to get on with it and when he didn't, she finally offered, _"You can just say what you mean, I promise I don't bite."_

Jakub cringed a little and reached up to push a hand through his hair, nerves eating at him as he muttered out, "Jerking off... maybe... I mean... I don't know where the boundaries are... and like... don’t want to overstep and uh... yeah." He kind of wanted to die. At least it would be preferable to how awkward he felt right then.

_"Are we talking about you specifically with TJ or just like... the guys in general?"_

"Uh... first one."

She hummed softly, the sound almost a comfort across the line. _"I know you and trust you, so with you I think the boundaries are softer than they might be with other people, at least for me. I can't speak for TJ on this, but like... what did you have in mind?"_

Something like anguish ate away inside Jakub's espohogus, making him completely unable to get any words out at all and he squeezed his eyes shut. If she had any idea that he had what amounted to a damn crush on TJ she'd probably tell him to get lost entirely instead of saying she trusted him. It left his head swimming and he shifted uncomfortably and he must have looked about as uncomfortable as he felt because TJ reached up and gently took the phone from him, his soft voice a rumble beside him as he spoke to his wife, only his end of the conversation able to be heard.

"Hey, it's me. Yeah, he did." TJ's hand absently stroked over Jakub's thigh while he spoke, pauses letting him know Lauren was speaking. "More than that, I think." He let out a little laugh. "Oh, I want to. Yeah... mmhmm. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" His voice was pitched differently on the last bit and Jakub looked over at him, watching as he listened to his wife. "Definitely... you'll be the death of me one day."

TJ pulled the phone away from his ear and gently rocked Jakub's leg. "Think you can talk to her again for a minute?" Jakub nodded and got the phone back, murmuring, "Hey."

_"Didn't mean to trip you out, want to tell me what I said that did it?"_

He took in a breath and glanced at TJ and then just bit the bullet. Maybe getting it out there would make it have to work itself out... or something like that. "You said you trust me... but if you knew how I felt, I'm not sure you would." He shifted, sitting forward and wincing at the way his underwear dragged over him, drying cum unpleasant, at best. 

_"What do you mean?"_ She still sounded like she always had with him, pleasant, happy, now a little curious, but not angry.

"I think most people would call it at least a crush..." he glanced at TJ and watched his face morph into a huge grin while he pointed at himself and mouthed out something that looked like _on me, really?_ though it was so over-exaggerated it could have been anything.

_"I'm not sure why this would be a problem. I mean, it makes a hell of a lot more sense that you'd want to know where your boundaries are if you do have some feelings for him, right? Like I think if you were just horny and wanted to watch porn together, I doubt we'd be having this conversation at all."_

Jakub looked away from TJ, reaching to rub his thumb and forefinger over the bridge of his nose. "How does it not bother you that I'm like... interested?"

_"Because I know you and I'm secure in what TJ and I have. Interest in someone else isn't going to change if he's interested in me. Things will go where they do and we'll navigate that if we need to... but I like you. You're kind and good with Lyla and Leni and TJ likes you, so things will go how they go."_

Something clicked in Jakub's mind and he shifted enough to see TJ's face as he spoke. "You're in an open relationship?"

TJ looked calm and Lauren chuckled across the line. _"Something like that. It doesn't really fit a definition."_

"I know the feeling," Jakub murmured, something relaxing inside him and he let himself lean into TJ's side, easing as his arm came around him and rubbed at his shoulder. "So if, say, I had him in my house and I wanted... things... we're allowed?"

She laughed outright this time. _"Yes, V, you're allowed. Touch TJ however you and he agree upon."_

He murmured the word, "Bless," and held the phone out to TJ, who took it and wrapped up the conversation with a few murmured words and then the device was abandoned on the coffee table and the next thing he knew, TJ was tipping his head up and their lips were meeting and _god_ his entire life was changing. Arousal slammed through him and everything he'd held back came rushing to the surface. TJ accepted the things he said he felt about himself. TJ understood that labels were hard. TJ... _wanted him_. His lips parted and TJ's tongue invaded and Jakub moaned around it, giving in and moving, getting himself on his knees, straddling TJ's thighs. He planted his ass on his lap and dug his hands into TJ's hair and kissed him like he damn well meant it, moaning into the kiss as he deepened it even further.

TJ's hands slid over his ass, squeezing, discovering until their kiss broke and TJ breathed out, "I want to see you really touch yourself for me. Show me all the things you like and tell me what you're imagining."

Jakub nodded, his hands going to his pants, unfastening his belt and then his fly, shoving them down his hips and getting up only long enough to ditch his shoes, socks, and the entire lower half of his clothing, going back to sit, but TJ stopped him, murmuring, "Hang on," his hands on his own pants, hastily undoing them and reaching in, arching up and adjusting himself, leaving his cock covered, but putting it where it was more easily accessible. He held out his hands then, gesturing Jakub in and he went, easing down onto TJ's lap and shuffling forward. He settled, his head resting on one of TJ's shoulders and reached down, getting himself situated, his balls arranged just-so, one nut to each side and his sac pulled back enough he could reach back and rub his hole with it, too. He shuddered a little at the thought of showing TJ all his personal habits and felt himself getting achingly hard. His hips rocked and he slid one hand down to the skin between his balls, slowly starting to rub his sac over his taint, again and again, his mind telling him he was rubbing his pussy, sliding his fingers over his damp lips, that he'd be slick soon with his want. 

His cock twitched and he ached, arching a little, beyond pleased that he was doing this for TJ and that judging by the huge bulge in TJ's underwear, he was very turned on by it. He turned his head and breathed out his words into TJ's shirt, quiet and tentative. "I'm gonna get so slick... feels so good."

TJ's breath ghosted over his hair and then his cheek was rubbing on his head, his voice a low rumble of pure arousal. "Tell me what words you want to use."

"Pussy," Jakub murmured, his voice small, but his decision solid.

"Can I tell you what I'm imagining?" Jakub nodded and TJ's hands slid over his thighs, big and warm and working the muscles so good. "Thinking about you rubbing your pussy on my cock. Think you want to do that?"

Jakub's heart beat wildly, his every fantasy coming right out of TJ's mouth and he breathed out, "God yes," as he reached for TJ's pants, peeling his underwear down and revealing his big dick. His hand went around it, stroking, feeling, and his hips bucked from how excited he was to be touching another guy and for it to be TJ of all people. A little high pitched whimper came from him and TJ moaned in response. It was all he needed to shuffle forward and get himself positioned against TJ, his cock pressing against TJ's abdomen, his sac positioned perfectly against TJ's dick and when he closed his eyes and let himself feel as he began to rub, it was definitely TJ's dick against his pussy, sliding through the mess he was making of himself with how horny he was, rubbing between his lips, making him excited and needy and desperate to be fucked open with TJ's huge cock inside him. He gasped and moaned and moved quicker, his fingers digging into the back of the couch for leverage.

TJ's hands cupped his ass and his lips roamed over his shoulder. "You're so wet... you wanted me so bad, didn't you?"

"Yes!"

TJ groaned and Jakub moved faster, gasping when TJ started to hump against him. "Shit, V, I'm gonna... soon."

"Tell me," Jakub gasped out, "tell me when."

They moved faster, Jakub feeling his orgasm pooling inside him, growing as he lived his truest self with TJ, right in the middle of his living room, his teammates dick rubbing eagerly against him and when TJ gritted out, "Now," he lifted just enough to grasp TJ's dick and slide it back against his asshole, pressing it tight against him as TJ began to squirt, warm cum spurting against him and he imagined he was pressing the tip into his pussy, letting TJ fill his insides with his jizz. Absolutely nothing could stop his own orgasm then and he began to cum, shooting over TJ's hip as his hole twitched against TJ's dick. The reverent, "You're cumming for me," only made it better, let it last longer, and Jakub used TJ's dick to rub at his asshole, lighting up the nerve endings as he orgasmed, moaning needily against TJ's shoulder until he was empty, though his hips kept jerking like he wanted more. So much more.

"Easy, V..." TJ's lips pressed to his neck, his hands sliding over his back. "We've got more than just this time... you can come down from the high of it. We'll do it again."

It was exactly what Jakub needed to hear and he slowly deflated, sliding down on TJ's lap and going boneless, still holding his softening dick, coated in both of their cum, and it felt more right than anything he'd ever done in his entire life. 

"It feels good to be yourself... doesn't it?" TJ's voice was gentle, a soft soothing rumble in his ear. "I'll always let you be yourself with me. I loved this. So much."

Jakub nosed his way against TJ's neck and closed his eyes, catching his breath and letting his mind take in TJ's words. He wasn't being judged for who he was or what he wanted or what labels he couldn't slap on himself. He was accepted for all of it, even if he was bad at explaining parts of it. He was _safe_ and taken care of and sated for the first time in his entire life. He pushed his clean hand into TJ's hair and held on while he kissed him good and deep. When he pulled back, he studied him and gave him a tentative smile. "I hope you can be you with me, too."

"I am." TJ smiled, soft and beautiful. "Always tell me what you want or if I fuck up, okay? Promise?"

"Promise."

TJ leaned up and kissed him lightly, a fast little peck that he followed with the best thing Jakub had ever heard. "Labels aren't needed here. Just be you. That's all that matters."


End file.
